Don’t Leave the Nest Momma

I have asked a few people to guest post and share their experiences about leaving the nest and returning to work. We have seen some wonderful pieces from my Dad, Bruna from Bees with Honey, and Jamie from Chosen Chaos.

I asked Jacqui over at Chicktuition to write something for this series because everyone knows she knows everything. This has been made abundanlty clear by her recent addition to the Urban Dictionary, which is THE authority on EVERYTHING.

Also. she has a cool Pink Chick who whispers nuggets of wisdom in her ear all day. Surely this would increase the likelihood of some kind words of encouragement and advice for the days to come where I must leave my nest.

 

I am so pleased Jacqui has decided to write something uplifting for all us ladies and gents Leaving the Nest. I hope you enjoy her post as much as I did.

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I’m glad you asked me to guest post…I really am. Because I’ve had just about enough of all this ‘Go-Back-to-Work-and-School, Momma’ crap you’ve got going on over here.

So, now I’m gonna tell everyone the truth about you, Momma…and let them know all about your trail of broken promises.

Here’s a mere sampling of the promises you made to me…and now intend to break:


1. Remember when I told you about my goal to be a trophy wife? And you convinced me that I should pursue my real dream of becoming a bazillionaire…so I could have a trophy husband instead? And you said you would be my business partner and help me do it?

2. Remember how one of our business endeavors was going to be renting out your ‘cottage’? And how nobody would ever know it was really a storage shed…until it was too late and we already had their money? I haven’t heard one more word about it since all this ‘Leaving the Nest’ stuff started.

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3. And what about how we were gonna get some carrier pigeons…and dye them pink…and then rent them out for tons of money? Where are these promised pigeons, Momma?

4. And I guess you forgot all about our prison wine manufacturing and distribution business…it just conveniently slipped your mind.

5. Along with the miracle weight loss business.

6. And your stupid idea about changing the name of ‘donuts’ to ‘nubs’…and building a ‘nubs’ empire. I can’t believe I was even willing to go along with this lunacy.



7. Then there was the one about how we could somehow get some nuns…and then rent them out to do housework and odd jobs. I bet you don’t even know where to get any nuns.

8. This list of broken promises is getting pretty long, isn’t it, Momma? I bet you’re starting to feel just a little bit ashamed of yourself. But, wait…there’s more.

9. Were we or were we not gonna become rich by recording and selling the soundtrack to my ‘World Peace in 30 Days or Less’ program? Oh, well…don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, Momma. How important is world peace, anyway?

10. And, finally, we come to the island where you said we would live. I don’t even have to tell anyone about this one…since you put it all on video.

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I must say that I am shocked and outraged by your behavior. I only hope you’ll take a good hard look at yourself…and reconsider all this leaving the nest nonsense.
It’s not too late to fulfill your promises. I shall await your response.

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Well, Jacqui, these are certainly worthy and valid reasons for me not to pursue my Master’s degree or go back to work. I’ll admit, I didn’t think about how all of this would affect you. I do feel ashamed. Very ashamed. I will have to go and drink some wine now.

I will discuss your intriguing job offers with my husband and get back to you.

Thank you for your post Jacqui, I think you have given all of us a lot to think about.

If anyone else is interested in making prison wine, saving the world, weight loss, or fake cottages, you can contact Jacqui here.

Don’t forget it’s Monday Listicles with Stasha at Northwest Mommy. Go linkup and check out the other posts.

Happy Monday, people!

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About Theresa

Writer, sister, mother, human.